I spent a lot of time in front of a computer this weekend catching up on TV shows and watching a couple of old movies; the kind I loved the first time then never saw them again. Anyhow, one of these flicks was an under-rated little masterpiece of dialog set against an ultimately forgettable backdrop. That movie was “Things to do in Denver When You’re Dead”
I’ll spare you the plot details but the establishing scene between Jimmy the Saint and Dagne to this day reminds me of why we love movies. If only real life happened with such flair and certainty. This bit of dialog should be cheesy but instead it’s beautiful:
Jimmy ‘The Saint’ Tosnia: Dagney? That’s your name? Tremendous name. My name’s Jimmy and I have just one single impulsive question. Are you in love?
Dagney: What?
Jimmy ‘The Saint’ Tosnia: At the present time, are you in love?
Dagney: Why?
Jimmy ‘The Saint’ Tosnia: Because if you are, then I won’t waste your time. I’m really not the type of man to impede another man’s happiness. However, if you’re not presently in love then I will continue my rhapsody, because if I may say so, Dagney, you are most definitely the bees’ knees.
Dagney: Does this rap ever work?
Jimmy ‘The Saint’ Tosnia: Alas, in the old days. Now I rarely get a chance to try it. But you haven’t answered my question.
Dagney: I forgot it.
Jimmy ‘The Saint’ Tosnia: Are you in love?
Dagney: Well there is someone…
Jimmy ‘The Saint’ Tosnia: But?
Dagney: We date… I have memorized his phone number, but I won’t use his toothbrush… We’re somewhere in between and he’s crazy about me.
Jimmy ‘The Saint’ Tosnia: As he should be. You glide.
Dagney: I glide?
Jimmy ‘The Saint’ Tosnia: You glide. It’s a very attactive quality. Most girls, they merely plod along. You, on the other hand, you glide… Tell me about it. What’s his name? Chip?
Dagney: Alex…
Jimmy ‘The Saint’ Tosnia: Same thing. Does he make you thump?
Dagney: Define “thump”.
Jimmy ‘The Saint’ Tosnia: Thump. When you think about him, you can’t eat You can’t sleep. You forget about man’s inhumanity to man. Does he do that for you?
Dagney: That’s a ridiculous concept. No one can do that.
Jimmy ‘The Saint’ Tosnia: Girls who glide need guys who make them thump. Have dinner with me.
Dagney: Aren’t we the sultan of segue?
Jimmy ‘The Saint’ Tosnia: It’s a beautiful month. Just have dinner with me.
Dagney: Are you going to make me thump?
Jimmy ‘The Saint’ Tosnia: Or die trying.
Ultimately, I think this movie failed to capture America’s imagination for two reasons. The first is it was a dark romance where Jimmy The Saint fell in love but was condemned to death by the mob; the movie was released in 1995. As you will recall, the 90s were an era of huge optimism and little angst among anyone outside the exploding grunge-band scene. The second reason is that while the film comes to a satisfying conclusion it is not a happy ending. It doesn’t quite break your heart either and in our movie experiences we want either to celebrate or cry. This film did neither for me.
If you love dialog though, see if you can pull this off of Netflix some time. It’s worth a watch and an unlikely member of my favorite films list.
